I have a list of things that I want to catch all of you up on. There are events I’ve been to and places I’ve visited. There are always a million #momfails and funny moments that I want to share. Yet, that’s not what I’m being called to write about tonight.
Tonight I am not writing a blog. This post won’t include fitting memes and carefully chosen watermarked photos. Tonight I am sharing my prayers with you. If you are not religious please don’t leave. For you let’s call it my nightly wishes. Some of what I will share is what I say nightly before I close my eyes and some are just the words being pulled from my soul to my fingertips in this moment in time.
Let us all bow our heads and pray.
Thank you for another day on your Earth. Thank you for watching over and protecting not only me but my family and friends. Thank you for watching over them, me and every person that touches our lives from the neighbors to the makers of the clothing we wore today. Please God continue to protect and provide for us all. Please guard and guide our steps. Please allow us to follow the paths that you have written and when we venture off of our path please gently guide us back.
God I am lost. We are lost. We are frightened. We are angry. We are seeing a war between good and evil and right now evil is louder. Evil is not winning. Evil will never win but it is attacking. Evil is doing a number on Your people. Evil is turning us away from the light. It is strong right now. And I know that in the end Good will triumph but at what cost? How much agony do we need to see? How much tragedy do we need to mourn?
God we need breathing space. Too many men, women and children are losing their lives. We are being desensitized to the killings of our people by watching their murders take place on television and social media. We are losing our trust in a system that was never created with People of Color in mind. We are looking at those meant to protect us as the enemy and creating more of a problem then we are fixing. We are watching movements meant to begin creating light and solutions start to suffer just as those before them have. We are watching evil sneak in and try to further divide us so that all people are easier to conquer.
Police are not our enemy. They will never be our enemy. An unjust system is our enemy. Men with evil in their hearts are our enemy. Please Lord help us see the difference. Please Lord help us to help ourselves.
Today I had to tell my beautiful niece that the strength of her ancestors and magic in her soul scares people. I had to explain to her that the world might not always see her, her brother, my daughter and their cousins as the the vibrant, magical, magnificent individuals that we see. That is not fair. It is not fair that one day my daughter will be judged by the color of her skin and/or the sound of her last name. It is not fair that as my nephews and godsons get older people will fear them simply based on their skin. It is not fair that my cousin has to put on his badge every day and wonder if someone will mistake him for the enemy because someone else hiding behind a badge was evil.
Life isn’t supposed to be fair but it is supposed to be just. Lord please bring justice to your children. Please bring justice to all that lose and take a life. Please Lord help us find order in the midst of the chaos that is brewing. Lord please stop the senseless killing.
Please enlighten the ignorant and bless the messengers. God please, please help us to help each other. Please allow love to truly conquer all.
In Your name all is possible.