JustaBXgirl turns five this month! My baby shows me daily that she is no longer a baby. As we enter the birthday prep season I can’t help but get reflective and emotional. Am I the only one this happens to? I think of all of the things I planned to do and be as a mom and of all the ways I have failed at those. I think of what I thought she would know and do by this point and I laugh at myself.
Even still, I could never have imagined how much love I would have inside of my soul for that child. I mean, I feel like I could burst at any moment. Never could I have imagined how fantastically, fabulous she would be at this point. And never could I have prepared myself for how much of her own person she already is.
I’m not one of those moms that say I wish she never grew up because while we mean no harm by using those words I would never want to stop my baby from all she is and will become. I look forward to watching her find her way in the world. I hope she will always allow me to be by her side as she learns what works and doesn’t work for her. And I do wish that the next five years slow down. But I also cannot wait to see what they bring.
Our life is amazingly full of opportunities and events. We will be on the go, go, go for as long as we can but this year I am working on remembering to be in the moment. I am remembering to look at life outside of the camera. Don’t worry, I will still take a gazillion photos of JustaBXgirl. That’s not changing until she tells me that I can’t.
Be prepared for lots of birthday posts this month. We leave this weekend for her birthday trip. LEGOLAND, SeaWorld and Walt Disney World. We come back to have a school celebration coupled with some mom guilt around having to work on her birthday and not being able to do her school celebration on her actual day and then the finale will be her Fabulous Fairytale 5th Birthday Fiesta. I did mention something about slowing down right?
It’s okay to plan a lot as long as it can be managed. I’ve learned to ask for help. Or I’m still learning to do this. And I’m remembering to take ME-Time in the midst of everything I need to do for her. That’s the thing. As our littles grow the way they need us will change. Their independence will grow and if we do not learn from early to reclaim our time when we can we will lose it to the noise. We will wander aimlessly down the rabbit holes of social media and Netflix. By the time we come up for light we will have missed the chance to identify what we need and want out of our lives as individuals outside of being parents.
I’ve begun reclaiming myself by getting back to something that has been part of me my whole life until recently. Since JustaBXgirl was born I haven’t had much time to read for myself. Now that she’s in school and I have alone time after dropping her off I have gone back to reading books meant for the over preschool communities. I recently finished a book I only kind of liked. I read it to the end because the setting was Brooklyn and reading the names of the familiar streets took me back to my time as a Brooklyn girl. Now though, I am ready to release that read and start anew. I am about to start hello mornings – How To Build A Grace-Filled Life-Giving Morning Routine. I feel like it is going to be one of those books that work really good when read with a friend. I can always use an accountability partner! So, I’m inviting you all to read it with me. I love that the author Kat Lee is a blogger! How cool is that? Since I’m not really a morning person even though now with a school commute that has us out of the house before the sun has woken I feel like I have time to be better.
This book is supposed to be able to help me get into a 3 minute routine that integrates Bible study, planning, and fitness into a foundational morning habit that fits into every schedule! How’s that for making the most of your time? I’m really looking forward to the growth this book will help me achieve even if I do not master the 3 minute routine.
See where I’m going with all of this? I’m finding ways to sit in silence that help the silence not to be deafening.